Change Agents and Writers

happy-new-year-228245Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new year. This year, more than most, I’m looking forward to a fresh start.  If you’ve stopped by looking for the cyber equivalent of fireworks and champagne, or maybe a cyber touch of rainbows and unicorns, you won’t find them here. Not today. Not this year.

2014 was bookmarked with the death of two friends I’d cherished for decades. One died at the start of 2014 and another one just a few weeks ago.  Their departure has left me in a contemplative state of mind. It’s weird when friends take the celestial highway ahead of us. There’s disbelief and shock. There’s grief. There’s also the sense of one’s own mortality spinning ever closer.  For me, there’s also thankfulness that I was lucky enough to know them.  Bob and Larry both gave me a boot in the butt when I most needed it. They were change agents on my writer’s path.

I met Bob before I’d written anything other than news copy. He was music director at the radio station; I was news director.  He had a wicked sense of humor, and wisdom beyond his years. When things started going south for me and I knew it was time to quit, I told him what I wanted more than anything was to write.

“Why aren’t you?” he asked.

“What if I don’t get published?” I said.

“So what? Do it anyway,” he said.

“I don’t know what to write about.”

“You’ll figure it out,” he said. “Fiddle around. Have some fun.”

I quit the station, spent a few months fiddling around, and then we moved – very suddenly – to Winnipeg.  I met Larry, and his wife, Lois.  We connected through a non-denominational spiritual group, and we met every week to talk about . . . well . . . stuff. The big stuff. The small stuff. How we could be better at all of ‘our stuff.’   By then, I was working in television which fed me rich ego cookies but didn’t satisfy my soul. Since we talked about soul type stuff, I again mentioned my desire to write.  This time, I mentioned a specific story – a time travel romance that was so quirky and out there, I wasn’t sure how I’d sell it.

“So,” Larry said. “What does selling have to do with it?”

“I’d like people to read it,” I said.

“Maybe only five people will read it,” he replied. “Or maybe 500,000 people will. Why should that matter anyway?  What should matter is the joy you have doing it.”

We moved back to the coast. I started that book and I finished it. But I did nothing with it. I started other books, and finished them too. Some were published. One was launched in Winnipeg, and I flew back for the event. Lois and Larry came. They asked about my time travel. “It’s written,” I said.  “But I haven’t done anything with it yet.”

“You will,” he said. “When you’re ready.”

Whenever I saw Bob, he’d ask about the writing too. He was happy for me that I’d taken the leap and followed my heart.  In the last few years, we talked about the changes in the industry and how they were impacting authors. As a friend, he was supportive. As a musician, he could relate. But at the end of the day, for Bob it was about making the music, not worrying about distribution or sell through, reviews or awards.

Larry was a musician too. Like Bob, he was dedicated to practising his craft, and he loved to perform. Though they never met, both Larry and Bob were all about enjoying the process, about having fun in the moment. Neither of them lived in a bubble; they understood my writer’s need to make a living. They acknowledged that love doesn’t pay the bills. That some attention had to be paid to the business side of art.  But too much attention to that goal detracted from what they believed should be my most important goal of all: telling my story the best way I could and letting go of the results. They weren’t writers – or editors or agents or publishers – yet they taught me an essential publishing truth: the story should always come first. Anything else could be worked out later.

There’s a saying that’s popular these days about someone being the kind of friend you can call up in the middle of the night and they will come and help you hide the body. That, it’s suggested, is a true friend.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

Larry and Bob were true friends, but there’s no damn way they’d help me hide a body. They’d come in the middle of the night – of that I have no doubt – but after one glimpse of that body, they’d pick up the phone and call the cops. Then they’d stand beside me no matter how bad things got and no matter what I’d done. And they’ve love me in spite of it.  They’d do it in the same way they called me out on my fears about writing all those years ago without making me feel small for having them.

Their belief in the people they cared about was genuine and absolute. They saw your best self. Even if your bad self was rocking the dance floor.

In the next week or so, I’ll be heading to Bob’s funeral. It’s a reminder for me to live life while I can. To enjoy my writing process, to have fun in the moment and to let go of the results.

Whether you’re a writer or a reader, or whether you stumbled over this blog by mistake, I hope 2015 is rich with all the things that count: time with whatever work brings you pleasure, time with family who love you unconditionally, and time with friends who can propel you down whatever path you choose with the occasional loving kick in the butt.

It helps if they take calls in the middle of the night. And if they can watch your bad self rocking the dance floor once in a while too. Trust me on that.

More of Our Favorite Holiday Traditions

memorah)Happy Chanukah! Today is the first day of the Jewish holiday. Soon it will be winter solstice, then Christmas, and after that it’ll be time to turn the calendar on another year.   Over the next couple of weeks, many of us will gather to celebrate with friends and family. In many cases, we’ll be drawing on traditions that go back years. Here are a few more writer friends sharing their favorite holiday traditions.

 Ellen Jaffe: Being Jewish, my family celebrated Chanukah as I was growing up, and I have continued celebrating this holiday in my own family.  The holiday commemorates the ‘miracle” of a single day’s vial of holy oil lasting for eight days, so we light candles each night in a special candle-holder called a Menorah or Hanukiah, starting with one candle on the first night, then two on the second night, then three….all the way up to eight, as well as the “helper” candle, called the Shamash, used each night to light the others.  The candles burn for about 30-45 minutes, adding more light each night — just as we welcome back the light after the winter solstice. This is my favourite tradition for this holiday, which symbolizes hope and joy, even in dark times.  We eat potato pancakes (latkes) and special jelly doughnuts (sufganiyot), both cooked in oil, and children play with a spinning top called a dreidl winning raisins and pennies.  The holiday is mainly celebrated at home, and each family has its own menorah — we used one that had belonged to my great-grandmother, which I still have today; there are elegant silver ones and ones that are hand-made from clay.  Last year our synagogue in Hamilton, Ontario asked families to bring their menorahs on the last night of Chanukah — and over 100 menorahs, or more than 900 candles — all shining at once.  I used the menorah as a “portal” in my young-adult novel, Feast of Lights: when the heroine, Sarah, looks into the candle-flames, she travels back in time to meet her great-great-grandparents and other ancestors.

Ellen S. Jaffe Feast of Lights (Sumach Press)  www.ellen-s-jaffe.com

Joan Galat: My favourite holiday tradition is baking and decorating cookies with my children, even now that they’re grown. In addition to Christmas-themed cookie cutters like stars, trees, wreaths, and Santa, we can’t resist the other shapes in my collection and end up making Christmas porcupines, snails, moose, dogs, and dog bones. We lather each cookie in red, green, and white icing and embellish with chocolate chips, raisins, candied fruit, sprinkles, and coconut. Choosing which cookie to eat from all the creative masterpieces takes some time.

Joan Marie Galat, Branching Out, How Trees are part of Our World (Owlkids)  www.joangalat.com

Lee Edward Fodi: Every December my wife (actress Marcie Nestman) and I host a Yoda Yulefest party for all of our geeky writer and acting friends. It started out a few years ago when we were trying to make our party stick out from all the other things going on. At first, it just started out with the title and a Star Wars Wreath on the door, but every year it gets a bit bigger. We now have many geek-themed ornaments around the house, including a Yoda tree. We prepare Yoda Soda and Yoda cookies for the guests and during the party itself we end up having one room for geek games, such as Star Wars Operation and Zombie Dice. Later on in the evening we end up writing and/or performing Star Wars parodies of Christmas carols or stories.

We always make lots of extra Yoda cookies for the creative writing classes that we teach and we hand them out at the last workshop before the holiday break. That’s become a big tradition, too—which I found out a few years ago when I skipped cookies on the last day because of time pressure. Boy, did I hear about it!

Lee Edward Fodi, Kendra Kandlestar and the Crack in Kazah (Simply Read Books)    www.kendrakandlestar.com

Kristin Butcher: When my husband and I were starting out in marriage (44+ years ago) my mother-in-law gave us a variety of decorations, one of which was a little Santa —no more than a couple of inches high — that could hook round something cylindrical. Over the years it has become a tradition for me to place this Santa somewhere less than obvious but not hidden each year, so that my husband has to hunt him down. I guess you could call him a Secret Santa.

Kristin Butcher, Alibi (Orca Book Publishers) www.kristinbutcher.com

Jacquie Pearce:  My husband, daughter and I celebrate several Christmases each year. My husband’s family is Ukrainian on his dad’s side, and we refer to our many celebrations as one long “Ukrainian Christmas” (even though the only thing Ukrainian about it is that it lasts more than one day, and we sometimes have perogies as part of our Christmas dinner). My husband, daughter and I usually have an early Christmas at our house in Vancouver, then we take the ferry to Vancouver Island to spend several days at my husband’s parents’ house (in the town where we both grew up), and we also visit my parents, who live in the same town. We have a tradition of getting together with friends on Boxing Day, then getting together with my family for another Christmas celebration sometime between the 27th and New Year’s Day.

We’ve only broken with this tradition twice. Once, when my husband (boyfriend then) and I were going to university in Toronto, and we stayed in Toronto for Christmas. The other time was when my father-in-law was recovering from a paralysing back injury in hospital in Vancouver. That Christmas, my husband’s family came to Vancouver, and we gathered for Christmas dinner in the cafeteria of G.F. Strong, sitting at a long table beside the cafeteria’s Christmas tree. Instead of turkey, we had Chinese take-out from my father-in-law’s favourite Vancouver restaurant. Instead of a visit from Santa, we had a visit from my father-in-law’s doctor. The best present of all was learning that my father-in-law was on his way to making close to a full recovery.

Jacqueline Pearce, Siege (Orca Book Publishers) www.jacquelinepearce.ca

And finally it’s my turn: My favorite part of the holidays is Christmas Eve.  But it wasn’t always. As a child I was impatient for the night to end because my parents always seemed stressed and preoccupied (sometimes downright grumpy), and I just wanted Santa to come.  Still I was determined that when I had children of my own, things would be different.

When my kids were little I started a tradition of putting out finger food for dinner on Christmas Eve.  I originally did it for expediency.  I had a pile of people to feed, I didn’t want to cook (I had several days of cooking ahead of me) and I needed something fast so we could eat and get to an early church service. So I raided the fridge of what I had on hand:  veggies and dip, smoked salmon, crackers and cheese, hummus and olives, and I heated up a few not-so-healthy things I’d made ahead: chicken fingers (because I knew my picky son would eat them); perogies (my picky mother-in-law would eat them), and coconut crusted shrimp (because we all loved them).  I put on the carols, dimmed the lights, lit dozens of candles and called everyone in to eat. My daughter christened the event ‘a picky dinner’ and we’ve done it ever since.

However, what started out as a fast, easy way to get a meal on the table has evolved as more friends have joined the celebration. These days, we’re as likely to put French Canadian tourtiere on the table as we are Indian pakoras or Indonesian satay skewers. But whatever we serve, Christmas Eve now epitomizes what the holiday means to me. It’s a time of friends and family, wonderful music and candlelight, good food and spiritual fellowship. It’s as special and as relaxed as I wanted it to be back when I was a child. Only now I never want the evening to end.

 

 

Our Favorite Holiday Traditions

christmascandlesand_treeThe holidays are just around the corner. At this time of year, many of us find our thoughts turning to the things we hold close: family and friends, food and faith, and traditions. Old traditions that evoke warm memories. And new traditions that speak to change and fresh starts. I love to hear how others celebrate at this time of year. With that in mind, I decided to ask a few writer friends to tell me about their favorite holiday traditions. I’ll be sharing their answers with you over the next couple of weeks.

Sylvia McNicoll:   Early Christmas is my favourite holiday tradition, newly created as a result of my three children marrying into extended families that quickly fill up the statutory holidays with celebrations. Usually the Sunday before December 24 we get together in the afternoon, and allow the children to open the gifts almost immediately.  Santa visits this set of grandparents first! The kids play till we enjoy our prime rib and Yorkshire pudding dinner, complete with sticky toffee pudding and yuletide log–relaxed and unhurried.

Sylvia McNicoll, Revenge of the Fly (Pajama Press)    www.sylviamcnicoll.com  What did you read today?nationalreadingcampaign.com

 

Victoria Miles: My favorite Christmas tradition is decorating our tree. I pull out from under our stairs the very same boxes my mother packed the decorations in that I inherited when she passed away. Many of the decorations are over fifty years old and along with all the glass balls, bells and birds of various sizes there are some distinctly unique decos, including a space man with a clear glass helmet, and an odd little Pinocchio. Added more recently there’s a decoration from the crafty kids at Christianne’s Lyceum and a tiny set of white leather and bead moccasin boots—a gift from Ainslie Manson for dog sitting when the girls were small and that was all we could manage for a summer holiday.   Soft toy decorations ring the bottom of the tree and those the girls are allowed to hang themselves; the rest of the ritual is for my husband and I. We use the same strings of lights that were once Mum’s, bold and bright rainbow colours with tinted metal reflectors in flower and star patterns. And we trim the branches exactly as she did, with long strands of lead tinsel, reused year after year, that is hooked gently between the fir needles one strand at a time.

Victoria Miles, Mimi Power and the I-Don’t-Know-What   (Tradewind) This year, my Christmas card to the world is “A Power Christmas Special” — a FREE ibook for everyone to download and share at: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/a-power-christmas-special/id940288695?mt=11

Lisa McManus: It started quite a few years ago, and I don’t know how or why. The ‘Spot’ has been our spot for so many years – for so many memories and celebrations – that it made sense to go there on Christmas Eve. Every December 24th we head to BC-owned White Spot Restaurant for dinner. It’s a tradition ­ – it’s almost a given – and I look forward to it every year. Some might think it unconventional, but heck ­ it works for us. We go to the same location and we always seem to get the same table server ­- he gets a big tip!! Needless to say, I’m counting down the days ­- not so much for Christmas, but for Christmas Eve dinner!

Lisa McManus, Newbie Nick (Lycaon Press) www.lisamcmanus.com

Diana Stevan:  A Christmas tradition is making sugar cookies with my grandchildren. It started out with my children and graduated to include the grandkids. I put Christmas Carols on, make a batch of sugar cookie dough and then we proceed to decorate them with our designs, using corn syrup and all kinds of coloured sprinkles. Last year, my grandson was 17, and I thought he wouldn’t want to do it anymore, but I was wrong. He’s coming home from U for Christmas break and I have yet to find out whether we’ll be doing them again. I suspect we will. Our family also gets out the Christmas carol song sheets every Christmas Eve and boisterously sings as many as we can before ending with Silent Night and only the Christmas tree lights on.

Diana Stevan, A Cry From the Deep (Amazon/Create Space)    http://www.dianastevan.com

Lea Tassie:  I’m not usually keen on Christmas traditions but eggnog is one I’ve always loved. My favorite treat as a kid was an eggnog made from eggs and milk that came from our own chickens and cow. There was no alcohol in it in those days; my mother disapproved of what she called ‘strong drink.’ But, for many years now, I’ve had an eggnog on Christmas morning while opening my presents. It’s not just that it smells and tastes delicious, especially with that hint of brandy and/or rum, it slides smoothly across my tongue and down my throat and forms a glowing little pool of happiness in my stomach. And not least, I love the sheer decadence of drinking alcohol before breakfast! It’s easy to make your own; there are many recipes on the internet. But even purchased eggnog, with one or two ounces of rum mixed in, a sprinkle of nutmeg on top, and a cinnamon stick for stirring, gives me an appetite for both gifts and breakfast like nothing else on earth.

Lea Tassie, Cats & Crayons    http://leatassie.blogspot.com

Jocelyn Reekie: My favorite Christmas tradition was when I lived on Quadra Island. A few days before Christmas I and my family got into our van and drove to friends and neighbors homes, where we stood outside and sang. When their doors opened, we invited the listeners to come along. The chorus never failed to grow. A couple of hours later a caravan of singers went back to our house, where we drank hot, spiced wine and sang a little more before everyone returned home feeling just a little warmer than they had before.

Jocelyn Reekie,  Please Don’t Eat The Cheese, House Mouse Tales, Volume 1, Christmas.  www.jocelynreekie.com

Helaine Becker: My fave tradition is a new one I’m going to start this year. I purchased a Santa outfit for when I present my two Christmas-themed picture books, A Porcupine in a Pine Tree and Dashing through the Snow, to school groups. I’m going to wear it as I pass out gifts to family members – donations in their names to various literacy-related charities. I’m especially partial to Librarians without Frontiers (http://lwb-online.org/), with whom I’m working on a new, grassroots project to build mobile library units in Cambodian villages.  The libraries will be created alongside new wells provided by Water of Hope (http://www.wha-cambodia.org/home). This project is going to make a big difference  – bringing them both clean water and education at the same time.

Helaine Becker, Dashing through the Snow (Scholastic Canada).   www.helainebecker.com

Karen Autio: Years ago my Finnish-Canadian grandmother taught me how to make sweet cardamom-flavoured Finnish Coffee Bread (known as pulla). One of my favourite holiday traditions is to mix and knead the dough on the morning of Christmas Eve, bake it that afternoon, and then enjoy it with my family on Christmas morning.

Karen Autio, Sabotage (Sono Nis)  www.karenautio.com

Come back next week if you’d like to read more about writers and their favorite holiday traditions.